Vulcan Side, Human Side
by qenie
Summary: Before the Enterprise begins its first five-year mission Spock returns to Vulcan on leave, where he meets someone who may be his other half. Don't own Star Trek but Kerin is mine.
1. Chapter 1

A lone student walked rapidly along the stone corridor of the Vulcan Academy's School of Mind Discipline, and paused outside an unmarked doorway. For a mere second the student hesitated, then raised one hand and passed the fingertips across the entry sensor. At once the door was opened by a figure clad, as was the student, in a long blue robe with a hood which entirely obscured the face.

The Receiver issued the formal query; "Who cometh?"

"Kerin cha'Sidak," replied the student.

"Show thyself, Kerin, child of Sidak, and state thy purpose."

The student's hood was lifted and pushed back revealing the pale oval face of a striking-looking young woman. Her golden-brown eyes were almond-shaped above elegant high cheekbones; full lips curved sensuously despite the disciplined line in which she held them. About her flowed an aura of energy and movement, though her face and body were controlled and still. A thin silver band held back heavy black hair so that the delicately pointed ears were revealed. One slanted eyebrow rose fractionally as she answered the Receiver. "I am here in response to the Jh'err Svann's summons."

"Enter, then, child of Sidak." The Receiver moved aside so that Kerin could step inside.

The door closed silently behind her. She was in an unremarkable chamber, impressive only in its Spartan quality; there were no decorations, only a few essential furnishings. Directly in front of her was a desk and behind it was seated an older Vulcan male with iron-gray hair and penetrating black eyes.

"Come forward, T'Kerin," he said in a voice as cool and smooth as the ancient stone of the chamber walls.

They were alone Kerin realized as she walked toward the desk; the Receiver had exited soundlessly. She stopped at a respectful distance, inclined her head slightly and waited.

Svann studied her coldly for a time. She bore the scrutiny without reaction, her features as expressionless as his.

"I am told," he said formally, "that you wish to leave us."

"At the end of the next Season I shall conclude my studies at the Academy," she said. "I shall return to Earth."

"Explain."

Kerin's voice was quiet as she did so. "Earth is my mother's homeworld, and I was raised there. At my father Sidak's wish I came to Vulcan to study. I have been here twenty-four Seasons – seven point five Standard years. I have learned a great deal and cannot measure the benefits I have gained here. But I have chosen to live on Earth and it is time that I return."

"What will you do there?"

"Continue to study medicine. I shall become a physician."

Again Svann stared at her for a long time. "You have great abilities, Kerin," he said at last. "But to realize your potential, to fully develop your mind-talents would require many more seasons of study. Only three or four are born in each generation with your gift. It was hoped that you would remain at the Pu'urn and fulfill your destiny."

"My 'destiny' lies on Earth."

"You are Vulcan," he countered.

For the first time, an expression flickered across Kerin's face – the briefest flash of amusement. "Half. I am also Human."

"Of this we are well aware."

She gave the tiniest of shrugs. "I am only who I am."

"We speak of who you could become."

She held his gaze steadily. "At the end of next Season I shall withdraw from the Academy. Until then, if the Pu'urn will grant me the privilege of continuing as Jh'err Solen's student I shall be most grateful."

There was a trace of sadness in his regard. "Of course you have our permission."

"Thank you." Kerin bowed her head, the gesture expressing gratitude, respect and a request to withdraw.

Svann nodded once. He watched her retreat toward the door. As she reached it he spoke again. "T'Kerin." She paused and turned, waiting. He raised his hand in the ta'al. "Success, peace and long life to thee, child of Sidak and Elizabeth."

She returned the salute. "Live long and prosper, Svann."

A moment later she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

The house of Ambassador Sarek and his wife Amanda stood, as was Vulcan custom, behind walls which assured privacy. It was a low structure, more rambling perhaps than the typical Vulcan home, constructed of sand-colored adobe. Thick walls insulated against the heat; the white roof looked like slate, but was actually a synthetic much more durable and protective from the environment.

Amanda and Kerin were having lunch in Amanda's greenhouse.

Built adjoining the rear of the house, the greenhouse was a luxury which Sarek had been pleased to provide for his wife – a concession to her Human physiology, which would never be fully adapted to the harshness of Vulcan's climate. The translucent material of the walls and roof was configured to keep out the heat, so that the internal climate control system could more easily maintain the cooler temperature and higher humidity that emulated Earth's temperate zone, allowing plants to flourish which could never survive in the arid heat and sandy soil of Vulcan. With seeds and cuttings from her home planet, Amanda had created a lush, green, Earth-like garden.

Kerin loved visiting this place. Of course it was Amanda whom she truly loved – the older woman had virtually adopted Kerin when she first arrived on Vulcan, and supported her through the period of adjustment and homesickness. For Kerin this refuge was almost like returning home.

"I've told Sidak of my decision to return to Earth," Kerin was saying as she peeled a small, sweet orange.

Amanda's hands paused in the act of pouring water into a glass, and she looked at the young woman. "And his reaction?"

"He was not pleased; he gave me an extensive list of reasons why I'd made an illogical choice." She gave a faint, rueful smile. "In fact, he tried to forbid me to leave."

"Oh."

"I knew he'd oppose my decision. And he'll argue with me for the remaining time I'm here. I'd have probably waited even longer to tell him except for the notice a student is required to give before honorably withdrawing from the Academy." She bit into a section of the orange and chewed thoughtfully for a moment; when she looked up at her friend again her eyes were sad. "My father isn't easy to resist."

"My dear Kerin…" Amanda reached over and squeezed her hand. She felt a strong maternal affection for this daughter of her long-time friend, Elizabeth Maitland. When Kerin had first arrived on Vulcan, over seven years ago at the age of 18, Elizabeth had asked Amanda to keep an eye on her. Now Amanda thought of Kerin as a member of her own family. "One's father is never easy to resist. Especially when he is a Vulcan. Vulcans have a long tradition of family unity and deep involvement in each individual's life. The very idea of your making a decision so important without benefit of the entire family's wisdom is simply unthinkable to him."

"I know." Kerin nodded. "He doesn't understand my independence or need for personal fulfillment. They're part of my Human side – and that baffles him."

"In the Vulcan mind, individualism is submerged to the common good."

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one." Kerin quoted wryly. "I've certainly heard that enough! But 'the many' is simply made up of many 'ones.' So how can you consider the many without thinking of the one!"

Amanda chuckled. "Sidak – and Sarek – would call that an example of Human illogic – totally incomprehensible."

"Sidak and I are often incomprehensible to one another." Kerin studied Amanda's face for a moment, then said, "When your son decided to go against family tradition, was Sarek – was he as adamant as my father is?"

"Yes." It was clearly a subject that saddened Amanda, but she answered candidly. "His position was about the same as Sidak's. Even Sarek's years of experience dealing with Human's – _living with one! –_ were no help. Sarek himself always – _always_ – followed the family's wishes. Even his marriage to me happened only with their approval. Spock's decision to enter Starfleet hurt Sarek deeply. It's been fourteen years and the rift is still there. Sarek's attitude hasn't changed."

"And what about your son?"

"Spock's record at Starfleet Academy was brilliant." Amanda did not try to conceal her pride. "And his career has been outstanding. He's a lieutenant commander already, and he's been executive officer of _Enterprise_ for two years."

"It sounds like he's proven he made the right choice."

"I agree; but the relationship between him and Sarek hasn't changed. When they meet – which is seldom – they're like strangers."

Kerin considered Amanda's words. "You're saying that it's likely Sidak will never forgive me for my choice."

"You should be prepared for that," Amanda agreed sadly. "Sarek has not forgiven Spock."

Kerin felt a rush of sympathy for Amanda, and regretted having brought up a subject that caused her pain. She reached for the older woman's hand and for a few moments they were silent. Then Amanda forced a small smile and sat up straighter. "You will have to be strong – as I know you are."

"All the years I was growing up on Earth, I was consumed with curiosity about Sidak and about Vulcan." Kerin's tone was thoughtful. She had learned to speak the language; had studied Vulcan history, geography, politics, literature, philosophy –devoured everything she could get her hands on about the place. "I must have driven my mother crazy with questions about my father. Then when he asked me to come here I jumped at the chance. I didn't feel as if I fit in on Earth; the pointed ears and odd eyebrows were just too alien. There are a lot of offworlders on Earth, but nearly all of them live in the cities – not up in the Canadian Rockies like we did. I was nearly always the only non-human in the schools I attended.

"But then when I came here I found that to Vulcans I seem very Human." Kerin smiled at the irony – something she would not have been able to do a few years earlier. "And Vulcans, in their own courteous and civilized way, are often far less tolerant than Humans! So I don't fit in here any better than I did on Earth. I think I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I'm neither Vulcan nor Human. I can't wait for one world or the other to ask me in – I have to make my own place. And I'm choosing to do that on Earth."

"It's your decision. And I know you have the strength of character to see it through."

"Strength…" Kerin laughed aloud. "Sidak is certain that the only way I'll ever have _any_ character is by overcoming the weakness of my Human nature."

VVVVV

A while later, as Kerin was leaving, Amanda walked with her to the gate.

"Spock will be coming home on leave soon," she said.

"He will? When?"

"He'll be here in two days. The next mission for _Enterprise_ is an unusual one – five years exploring uncharted space. They'll be leaving in about four Standard months, so Spock will be home a full Season."

"Five years… It's a long time."

Amanda nodded. "Yes. It's a little frightening – and exciting, too. Just think of all the things they'll see, things no one has seen before."

"I know you're happy that Spock is coming home."

"Oh, yes – very much so. Even though it will be awkward between him and Sarek, I can't help but be glad." She squeezed Kerin's hand and smiled. "I'll expect you to visit as usual. I want you and Spock to meet."

"I look forward to it."


	3. Chapter 3

Spock was able to make passage on the starship _Hawking,_ which had a planned stopover on Vulcan. _Hawking_, true to the memory of her namesake, was a science vessel, and as such had a great deal to offer which was of interest to the young Starfleet officer. He spent the four days of the voyage assisting the ship's physics research team.

He had protested against taking this leave, but Captain Kirk had overridden him: "This may be your last chance to see your home or family for five years, Commander. That's a long time, and I'm sure they will miss you. So go! And don't come back until your full leave is up!" Spock had no inclination to agree with Kirk's sentiment, but he could not argue with the Captain's authority.

To say that he was uncomfortable about going to Vulcan would have meant admitting to the emotions that Spock rejected out of hand; however, had he been allowed to make the choice himself, it would not have been this one. Kirk had phrased his suggestion as an order, and having served under _Enterprise_'s new captain for only a few months, Spock was in no position to argue – indeed to do so had never crossed his mind. In addition, Spock was influenced by the pleasure his mother had expressed when she learned of his leave. Certainly he did not want to disappoint her –and so he steeled himself to endure his father's expected coldness.

Within an hour after _Hawking_ had established orbit around Vulcan, Spock had beamed to the planet and was home.

Both parents were there to greet him, though the meeting with Sarek was cool and brief, as Sarek had to leave shortly to return to his office. With his mother, however, he spent a long afternoon in conversation.

Spock and Amanda had always been close. Even at an early age he had sensed the pressure placed upon her – by Sarek and Vulcan society – to raise him according to the strictest Vulcan standards. His childhood had been very painful at times, and he had always found her there to help him get through it, even when he did not admit the existence of the pain.

With Sarek, Spock always felt inadequate, always on trial; but a real break did not come between them until Spock's decision to enter Starfleet Academy. Since then he had spent very little time with his parents. Meetings with his father were cold and strained, and distressed his mother, so he avoided them. However, on this visit, he expected to be under Sarek's roof for an entire Season. Spock had tried to prepare himself for this meeting, but Sarek's first cold, dark-eyed glance had raised within him the same turmoil and sense of inadequacy that he had known as a child. Of course he suppressed these feelings quickly, and his face gave no clue of their existence, but he himself was left uncomfortably aware.

That first evening's dinner was formal and tense. Amanda was determined not to take responsibility for filling the strained silence between her husband and son. Consequently the meal was marked by long gaps between brief exchanges. Sarek, the consummate diplomat, brought none of his skills to this table.

"I assume you have made plans for your time here." Sarek addressed Sock directly for the first time since they sat down. "I would not expect you to remain idle for an entire Season."

"I do have plans," Spock replied. "The Academy has invited me to conduct seminars in astrophysics and computer science. I shall also seek training with Jh'err Solen at the School of Mind Discipline."

Sarek's eyebrow rose fractionally, a faint but unmistakable sign of interest. "You will doubtless be quite occupied."

"That is my intention." Spock's remark seemed to close the subject. For several more minutes they ate in silence.

It was Amanda who spoke next; "Spock, do you remember Sidak ch'Solek?"

"Of course, Mother."

"And his wife, Elizabeth?"

Spock became very still for an instant. He had been very young – four or five years old – when Elizabeth Maitland used to come to visit. She had always seemed interested in the little boy, and would take time to listen and talk to him. She had a vibrancy and inexhaustible energy which fascinated him. Secretly he adored her. When she left he had been very sad and puzzled, and embarrassed that he missed her. The memory brought a faint pang.

"I remember her," he said without expression. "She left Vulcan twenty five years ago."

"Yes. Sidak divorced her. She returned to Earth with her child."

"Child? I do not recall that she had a child."

"Kerin was an infant – less than a Season when they left. It's possible that you never saw her. Elizabeth's visits were very infrequent toward the end," Amanda explained. "Anyway, Kerin is grown up now and has been studying at the Academy for the past seven years. She is a student of the same Solen you mentioned before."

Spock could not fail to hear the warmth in his mother's voice when she spoke of Elizabeth's daughter. Even Sarek's expression had softened minutely at the mention of Kerin's name. "An intelligent and gifted young woman," he observed. The tone was neutral, but this was high praise from Sarek.

"Kerin visits us often," Amanda said, looking at Spock. "I hope you will meet her."

Spock raised a faintly questioning eyebrow.


	4. Chapter 4

On the following afternoon Spock went to the Pu'urn—the School of Mind Discipline—to present himself to Solen. He was admitted by a tall woman in the pale blue robe of the senior jh'errh—a term denoting something between student and teacher; the capitalized form Jh'errh—masculine Jh'err—indicated a Master. The woman's face was hidden in the shadow of her hood, but when she raised her head Spock caught a glimpse of golden-brown eyes.

She asked the question. "Who comes?"

"Receiver," he answered, "I am Spock ch'Sarek of the House of Surak."

"State thy purpose, Spock, son of Sarek."

"I wish to pay respects to Jh'err Solen and request acceptance as a student."

She opened the door and stepped back. "Enter, Spock. The Master awaits thee in the chamber beyond." She raised a hand to indicate an inner door, standing ajar.

"Receiver, I thank thee." He crossed the room and walked through the open door. It closed slowly behind him.

Kerin pushed back her hood and regarded the closed door.

VVVVVVVVVV

"Which Discipline do you seek?" Solen asked of Spock. The Jh'err was a younger man than might be expected by his position—perhaps only of an age with Sarek.

"That of Healer," Spock responded.

"Your training?"

"I studied with the Healer Adept T'Kaal for seven Seasons. That was sixteen Standard years ago."

"You were very young. What level did you attain?"

"Fourth level."

"That is extremely high for one so young. Do you practice as a Healer?"

"No I do not. I am an officer in Starfleet," Spock explained. "I serve aboard a starship crewed mostly by Humans. I have rarely had an opportunity to act as Healer. Nor do I expect this to change. However, I find the disciplines to be personally beneficial for concentration and self-control. I wish the opportunity for additional study."

Solen regarded Spock closely for a moment, then nodded once. "It will be necessary to join your mind in order to determine what is possible and what is needed."

He extended his hand, fingers spread, and Spock stepped forward to receive the meld.

Solen's hand touched Spock's face, and with stunning ease the Jh'err probed Spock's mind, slipping efficiently through the layers of consciousness, seeking and assessing the centers of intelligence, ability and strength. The power of Solen's mind was awesome, and yet Spock did not feel threatened, did not feel the search was an invasion, even though he could not possibly have resisted.

It was over in seconds and Solen withdrew, lowering his arm to his side. For an instant Spock felt disoriented, as if some basic support had shifted, and steeled himself to maintain his equilibrium.

Studying Spock's face carefully, Solen finally spoke. "You have a strong Healing Gift, Spock. However, as you indicated, the discipline is imperfect. I will accept you as a student for the Season. However, be warned, clearing the paths for your talent to emerge fully will involve confronting some things in yourself which will cause you some discomfort."

Spock said stiffly; "I realize that my Human side is an impediment."

Solen's expression did not change, but Spock sensed irony in his next words; "Your Humanity is indeed a difficulty for you."

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Later, after Spock had gone, Solen called Kerin to him. "I have accepted Spock as jh'err for the next Season."

She bowed her head fractionally and waited for him to continue.

"I will assign you as his M'Narrh – his guide-peer."

She looked up at him. "May I know why, Master?"

"Have you an objection?" His tone was severe, but there was just the hint of humor in his eyes.

"No. I simply ask the reason for your choice."

"I believe you and Spock can learn from each other," was Solen's only answer.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

On his third day at home, Spock spent the morning at the Academy, organizing materials for his seminars, and familiarizing himself with the computer labs. It was early afternoon when he returned to his parents' house.

There appeared to be no one home when he entered the dim coolness of the house. It was pleasant inside after the noonday heat, and he paused in the kitchen to pour a glass of water and then sat at the breakfast bar to drink it.

He was tired and that surprised him, although on reflection it should not have. Most of his time was spent in an artificial environment designed largely for Humans—lower gravity, cooler, higher humidity—therefore it was natural that his body should feel some strain at functioning on Vulcan again. A few days and he would adjust. In the meantime, tonight he would have to sleep; he had not slept since his arrival. Long periods of wakefulness were not uncommon for Spock—or for any Vulcan—but he had slept only once on the voyage from Earth, and his endurance was nearing its limit.

His conversation with Solen had kept him awake—especially the Jh'err's parting words; "You may have two days to reconsider your petition to become my student. Return then with your answer."

Spock knew at once that he would not reconsider; but he also wished to know why Solen thought he might change his mind. What had the Jh'err seen in the meld? He had spent the last two nights in meditation, examining his own thoughts, trying to assess himself as Solen had done, and learn what Solen had learned. In the end he was exhausted, not much enlightened, and filled with even greater respect for the power of Solen's mind.

At last he rose, and placed his empty glass in the sonic sanitizer. Across the room were the glass doors which opened into his mother's greenhouse. The light cast through them into the house was hazy and tinged with yellow. The doors slid open as he approached, then shut just as silently after he stepped through.

Spock paused a moment and drew a breath of the cool, humid air. The scents that accompanied the breath—Earth scents of lilac and honeysuckle, mint and roses—were familiar and pleasurable because they were associated with his childhood.

He had taken only a few steps further into the greenhouse when he realized that he was not alone.


	5. Chapter 5

A soft laugh came from deeper in the greenhouse, and Spock recognized it as Amanda's. He stepped around a turn in the foliage and saw her seated on a bench in a small clearing; opposite her sat another, younger woman.

Spock's approach had been silent, so for a few seconds the women were unaware of his presence; in those seconds Spock's attention was drawn to the young woman, and something about her was so arresting that he found himself staring.

She sat motionless on the garden bench, hands relaxed in her lap, back straight, head tilted slightly toward Amanda; but despite this stillness, energy radiated from her person, and momentarily Spock sensed that he had seen energy like that before, in someone else.

She was dressed in a soft deep red tunic dress which left her arms and most of her long legs bare. Her hair was a shining black curtain, held back from her face by a narrow silver band and falling nearly to her waist. She sat in profile to him, and he could see the clean lines of her features and the graceful curve of her throat.

"Spock!" Amanda had noticed him. The young woman turned to look up at him and he thought in that instant that he had never see a more striking face. The suggestion of a smile hovered about her lips, and her warm golden-brown eyes seemed quite familiar.

Reluctantly, Spock turned his gaze to Amanda. "I apologize for the interruption, Mother. I did not realize anyone was out here. I will leave you."

"Certainly not," Amanda said quickly in a tone that brooked no argument. "Come here and meet a very good friend of mine. Kerin, this is my son. Spock, this is Elizabeth Maitland's daughter, whom I told you about."

He stepped forward and gave a small, stiff bow, his eyes meeting Kerin's fully. There was a look in her eyes that disturbed him, and the fact that he did not want to stop looking at her alarmed him.

"Hello, Spock." Her voice was very pleasant, and like her eyes, quite familiar.

"Prosperity to thee, Kerin cha'Sidak." He took refuge behind a cooler, more formal greeting. But he did not look away from her, and knew that in a moment his regard would cross the line into rudeness. Surprisingly, she did not seem offended by his stare, but continued to meet his gaze with that same faint smile.

He forced his eyes away, drew a breath, and clasped his hands behind his back.

"Spock," Amanda said.

He turned to her. "Yes, Mother."

"Come and join us." She indicated space on the bench beside her.

"I do not wish to disturb your visit."

"Nonsense." She dismissed his objection in the imperious manner of all mothers, and continued to look at him until he finally moved to seat himself beside her. "Did you eat lunch?" Amanda asked. "We just finished, but there's some left."

"Thank you. I am not hungry," Spock replied. He was uncomfortably aware of the golden-brown eyes studying him, but even as the thought took shape Kerin looked away, bringing her attention to Amanda.

"Would you take juice, then?" Amanda offered.

He nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

She handed him a drink from the servitor at her side. The glass was cold and smooth against his palm. He took a sip and then looked back at Kerin; suddenly he wanted to hear her voice again. "My mother says you are a student."

"Yes. I study with Jh'err Solen at the Pu'urn."

He made the connection then. She had been the Receiver at Solen's office the day before. _I must be very tired indeed not to have known her at once. Those eyes are quite unique._

"You are Executive Office of the starship _Enterprise_," Kerin said.

"That is correct."

"Then you must know Christopher Pike."

"Indeed. I served under Captain Pike for a number of years."

"Served? Past tense?'

"Captain Pike—Fleet Captain Pike now—is no longer in command of _Enterprise_."

Kerin allowed her surprise to show. "When did this happen?"

"The Captain was promoted two months ago, and assigned to Starfleet Command in San Francisco."

"How he must have hated that," she murmured.

"I do not understand," Spock said. "Captain Pike gave every indication that his promotion was acceptable. Certainly it was deserved."

"No doubt. But surely you knew his feelings about his ship—how much he loved it."

Spock was puzzled. For a man to have an emotional attachment to a ship was an alien concept for him. He had immense respect for Christopher Pike, and that respect was based on Pike's professionalism. The Captain had always been objective and rational, basing his decisions on empirical evidence, and weighing that evidence without regard for personal considerations. He had never 'played hunches' nor engaged in any of the other baffling emotionalism that Humans were prone to do. "Captain Pike never discussed his feelings with me," Spock said stiffly. "It would have been inappropriate. Feelings are not relevant to the command of a starship."

Kerin regarded Spock levelly for a moment. The look disturbed and irritated him. Everything about her disturbed him. She lifted one hand to push back her hair and the movement focused his attention on her bare arm. He was shocked to find himself thinking that her skin would probably be smooth and soft to the touch.

"I'm not sure you knew Chris very well," said Kerin—and Spock had to force his attention back to her words, and away from thoughts of touching her skin. She continued; "His feelings for _Enterprise_ were the very reason he was such a good commander. That ship meant everything to him. I can't imagine him giving her up without a fight."

Spock's irritation resurfaced; he welcomed it, in place of the thoughts that had swept through him moments before. He looked at her coldly, affronted somehow by her words.

"Kerin, how is it that you know Captain Pike?" Amanda asked into the awkward silence. She was puzzled by Spock's hostility.

"He's a good friend of my stepfather, Alan Chamberlain. He used to visit us when I was growing up, and told wonderful, exciting stories about the ship and his adventures. I loved his stories, especially when he would act out the parts! Sometimes he would play the enemy alien and let me be the captain." She smiled at the memory. "I asked endless questions—I'm sure I was a terrible nuisance. But Chris would just laugh and tell me more."

The person Kerin described sounded totally unlike the captain whom Spock had served, and he found himself galled by the image of a genial and avuncular Pike. It threatened the almost Vulcan-like characteristics of the man, which he had so fully appreciated.

In addition, Kerin's obvious Human nature was very disquieting to Spock. Her appearance was Vulcan, however the aura of energy about her was anything but, and he found this somehow unacceptable. Belatedly he realized that, despite her Vulcan features, she bore a strong resemblance to her mother. This increased his disquiet, since his memories of Elizabeth were pleasant and warm.

Amanda sensed Spock's strong emotional response and negative feelings, and became aware of an unreasonable feeling of disappointment which she did not wish to analyze.

The sound of a melodic chime reached them—the summons of Amanda's private communication terminal. She excused herself and rose gracefully, vanishing into the house to answer.

Spock and Kerin were alone.

They regarded each other in wary silence. For the first time there was visible tension in Kerin's posture, a stiffening of her shoulders. Spock remained still, wrapped now in a cloak of imperturbability.

It was Kerin who broke eye contact, turning her attention toward the small fountain to one side of the clearing. The top of the fountain was adorned by a delicate sculpture of a butterfly. Kerin studied it for a few moments. "There are no butterflies on Vulcan," she commented.

"My mother missed the butterflies when she first came to live here," Spock said. "She tried importing some from Earth. They… did not survive."

She looked at him. "That's sad."

He cocked his head slightly, and lifted an eyebrow. "They were not meant to live here. They were too weak. Such a species could develop on Earth; it is a hospitable world. Vulcan is not. Weakness does not survive."

"Vulcans take pride in the harshness of their world," she observed.

"I merely state a fact," he said coolly. "Pride is an indulgence of sentimentalists—like Humans."

"Oh?" She sounded faintly annoyed. "Vulcans call themselves _chaa'h'Hrak_—children of the Forge. Tell me there is no pride in the strength implied by that name."

His mouth thinned and his irritation at her returned. "Pride, along with all other emotions, leads to weakness, lack of reason. Strength comes from reason. _Reason is achieved only through elimination of emotion. _Surak."

"The word Surak used was _mastery_, not elimination." Up until this point they had been speaking in Standard; now Kerin switched to Vulcan. "_Truth is found only through mastery of emotion. This mastery will come from direct confrontation and understanding of the emotion._ You did not complete the quote. He did not say anything about rejecting emotion."

Anger flowed hotly through Spock, and he held himself under tight control. The anger was at himself as he realized he had allowed Kerin's presence to cause his logic to fail; and the implications of that filled him with apprehension.

Kerin knew she was being discourteous and contentious—something about Spock brought out her worst side. She wanted to apologize, but the words refused to come.

Abruptly she rose to her feet, and courtesy compelled Spock to follow suit. This brought them face to face, less than a meter apart. Their eyes locked and for a moment neither of them moved.

Kerin turned and headed quickly for the house. As she reached the door it slid open and Amanda emerged.

"Kerin? What's wrong, dear?"

Kerin smiled. "There's nothing wrong. I must go, Amanda. I have duties at the Pu'urn this afternoon."

Behind Kerin, Spock appeared from the greenery and stood silent, staring into the middle distance. Amanda looked quickly from one to the other, wondering what had happened, aware that she had very much wanted the two of them to get along. Still, despite her own feelings, Amanda was always gracious. "Thank you for coming, my dear—it's always good to have you here. Will I see you next tenday?"

"Of course. Thi'sah?" Kerin named a day six days hence. The two women embraced warmly. "Thank you, Amanda." She turned to Spock and raised her hand in the ta'al. "Long life and peace to thee, Spock."

"Live long and prosper, Kerin," he replied tonelessly.

Amanda walked with Kerin to the front door, and returned to the garden shortly to find Spock gazing thoughtfully at the butterfly fountain. He turned to her and she saw the signs of strain around his eyes, faint shadows under them. And for an instant, before he controlled it, his expression was decidedly bemused. Deliberately, she quelled her curiosity.

She touched his hand gently. "You look tired, Spock."

"I am fine, Mother."

"I know it's uncomfortable for you here." Her voice was as warm and concerned as his had been cool. "Being in the same house with your father again… I'm sorry; Sarek does not make this easy. But I want you to know that it means a great deal to me to have you here." Her fingers closed gently on his and she smiled. "Thank you for being willing to put up with the… the awkwardness. I love you, and I need to have you here—at least for a while."

Spock was moved by his mother's expression of her feelings. A wave of guilt swept over him as he remembered how he had resisted taking this leave, and had come home only under orders. He had an impulse to confess the truth—but uncharacteristically he resisted. Instead he reached out silently and—much to Amanda's surprise and joy—drew her into his arms for a brief, warm embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

Instead of taking the local transporter after she left Amanda's house, Kerin walked into the city of Shani'Khar. She had not exactly lied; she _did_ have duty at the Pu'urn later, but not until seventeenth hour, nearly four hours away.

As she walked she went over in her mind the conversation in the garden. She had not intended to upset Spock with her comments about Chris Pike—but obviously that was exactly what she had done. Her description of Pike's playfulness in telling his stories seemed especially disturbing to Spock. His coldness had been a clear message of disapproval.

And yet, at first there had been something else in his eyes when he looked at her. She could see that he was attracted to her, just as she had been instantly attracted to him. But something had gone wrong, and she did not see how it could be only their differing views of Captain Pike.

His misquoting of Surak had surprised her. He would surely have studied Surak's writings, and known them as well as she did.

The idea that Vulcans were without emotion was a misconception based on human observation of Vulcan reserve, self-control, and devotion to logic. The violent history of the planet proved that its people were anything but unemotional. Vulcan's wars had come dangerously close to annihilating the race, and it was only Surak's teaching which had saved them. He had known that it was impossible to eliminate emotions; however, in order to survive, it would be necessary to master them. Vulcans had recognized this truth, and as a race had adopted Surak's philosophy. For four thousand years they had lived for—and because of—logic.

Four thousand years was a mere eyeblink in the span of evolution. Biologically, Vulcans were virtually the same as their warring ancestors. Logic was a learned behavior. Logical behavior was taught by each generation to the next—by direct instruction, by example, by culture.

Kerin considered that for a while.

Spock had been raised on Vulcan; he would have received his instruction in logic in exactly the same way as any other child. She, on the other hand, had been raised on Earth. Until she was eighteen, she had never been to Vulcan. True, she had had a Vulcan teacher from the time she was three, but in all other ways her upbringing was human. It was no surprise that she was choosing to return to Earth.

Her thoughts returned to the meeting—she could almost say _confrontation_—with Spock. They had faced off like antagonists after Amanda had left. She had thrown the correction of Surak's words in his face with considerable inner satisfaction; and he had angered her with his deliberate denigration of humans. She knew she had reacted badly. She also knew that she owed—_and was owed_—an apology.

At the Pu'urn, she went to the meditation hall, closed herself into one of the isolation carrels there, and spent the next hour in quiet contemplation.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Later that afternoon Spock took the transporter to the Science Academy for an appointment with Sorahl, the Master Healer to whom Solen had referred him for instruction. Spock had known Sorahl all of his life; the Healer had been a member of the team of geneticists and physicians who had developed the process by which Spock, the child of two species, had been created.

Sorahl greeted Spock with pleasure. It had been several years since the two had seen one another. The Healer asked about Spock's service in Starfleet, and Spock spoke briefly about his experiences.

"Your parents?" Sorahl asked. "I have not seen them in some time. Are they well?"

"They are. My mother is very pleased about my visit home."

"And Sarek?"

"Sarek is well," Spock said, more abruptly than he had intended.

The Healer's eyebrow rose fractionally, but he said nothing. Sorahl had known Sarek for many years, and was well aware of the Ambassador's reaction to his son's choice to join Starfleet.

Like Solen at their first meeting, Sorahl wished to evaluate Spock's mental disciplines in order to plan the approach they would use in the instruction.

The meld was extensive and arduous.

After a time, Sorahl withdrew, terminating the link.

"Spock, you are unable to continue," Sorahl said bluntly, but with some kindness in his tone. "Something is disturbing you—something you are attempting to conceal. You are also exhausted. I see in your thoughts that you have not slept since your arrival on Vulcan. The Healing instruction rituals are intense and difficult, and will require you to be at your physical and mental best. You must resolve whatever is causing disquiet, and you must rest. We will postpone this session until you have had the opportunity to do this. Are you able to return in two days time at this same hour?"

"Yes. I will return in two days," Spock replied stiffly.

"Good. We will continue the session at that time." Sorahl had noted Spock's rigid body language, but did not comment. He rose to bid the younger man good-bye.

"My apologies, Sorahl," Spock managed, as he offered the ta'al in parting. "Peace and prosperity to thee."

"And to thee, Spock. Two days hence."

Outside of the Academy Science complex, Spock stood for a few moments, uncertain. He was deeply embarrassed by his failure in the meld with Sorahl. His inability to control his emotions was profoundly disturbing to him, and the exhaustion he felt was reaching down into his bones. He turned toward the Pu'urn.

He entered the meditation hall, and found an isolation chamber, where he lay down upon the stone slab. Closing his eyes and clearing his mind, he allowed himself to fall into a restorative trance.


	7. Chapter 7

It was not difficult to discover Kerin's place of residence. The address turned out to be only a short walk from the Academy, and Spock arrived there just as darkness was falling. Her gate was one of several set into the high adobe wall which lined the street. He touched the annunciator beside it.

"Yes?" She answered at once.

"Spock," he said.

There was silence for what seemed a very long time. Then he heard the muted buzz of the gate's latch being released. He pushed it open and found himself in a small, austere courtyard, which contained only a single bench and a geometrical garden of rocks and desert plants. Opposite him was a doorway; Kerin stood in the open door.

Spock shut the gate behind him and walked toward her, stopping at a courteous distance. "I will not disturb you if you are occupied," he said, giving her an excuse to turn him away if she wished.

Kerin stepped aside to let him enter. "I am free."

He walked through her door, and paused just within, turning to face her.

"I have come to apologize," he said formally. "I behaved discourteously to you today, and I regret it."

"Thank you. I accept your apology." Her expression was serious. "And I would ask you to accept mine. My own behavior was equally rude."

"Then shall we say no more about it?"

"Agreed." She raised a hand to invite him further into the room. "Will you come in?"

"Thank you." He took a few steps inside and looked around. Kerin's apartment consisted of one rather large room divided into sitting area, kitchen, computer work desk and a screened-off sleeping area. The walls were decorated with many colorful pictures and hangings which Spock recognized as being of Earth's American Indian origin. The rugs on the floor, as well as the freestanding screen, were similar in design. His eyes moved from one beautiful object to another.

"My mother had American Indian ancestors," Kerin said, following his gaze. She closed the door and came to stand beside him. "Her people were members of an Alaskan tribe, the Tlingets." She smiled. "On Earth my rooms were always decorated with Vulcan artifacts."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "And do you consider yourself Indian or Vulcan?"

"Both, of course. Along with several other Human lines on my mother's side." Her tone was light and she dismissed the subject by indicating the beverage servitor. "Will you have water?"

"Thank you."

She drew two glasses and gave him one, then indicated a chair. "Please sit down." She seated herself and he took the place she had indicated, facing her across a low table.

Spock was not sure why he had remained. He had known he needed to do this—speak with Kerin, and offer his apology. He had done so, and had also accepted the unexpected one from her, and the logical thing to do would be to take his leave. However, when she invited him in he had accepted. He had even taken the water. Water was Vulcan's most precious resource. Kerin's offer had indicated that she welcomed him; his acceptance that he was pleased and would remain a while.

Kerin appeared very comfortable with his presence. She had drawn her bare feet up under her casually in the chair, and was studying him over the rim of her glass as she drank. Her dark hair lay like a silken curtain over one shoulder. She began to talk easily about the various Indian objects which decorated the room, explaining where things had come from, tribal origins, and in some cases the significance of the design. As she talked, Spock found himself more and more interested in what she was saying. He noted some similarities between Amerindian culture and the culture of the ancient warrior clans of Vulcan. When he mentioned this, Kerin's eyes lighted with agreement.

"Yes! Especially the tribes of the American Southwest. Apache. Navaho. The ones who lived in the desert and high mesas. Their cultures were centered around the need to conserve water. There is even some evidence that these tribes were highly telepathic. For humans, that is!" she added with a smile, seeing the look in his eyes.

"Perhaps the hardships of such a life enhanced their mutual interdependence," Spock conceded skeptically.

"Perhaps. They all lived close to nature, and believed in dreams and visions to communicate with their deities. They were open to psychic phenomena. Civilization has tended to negate that openness in humans."

Their conversation flowed easily for a while; the tension of their earlier meeting was gone. The chemistry between them was still strong, but far less troublesome.

They were interrupted after a time by the chime of Kerin's comm-unit. She responded without moving. "Activate comm, voice only. Yes?"

"Kerin?" A male voice. Vulcan.

"Yes, Father. I am here."

"I have no visual," Sidak said.

"I am privately occupied at the moment, Father." Her voice and face had become cool and expressionless.

"I shall be brief." Sidak's tone was equally cool. "I should like to meet with you. Would tomorrow at the fifteenth hour be convenient?"

"I will be free—however, I have duty at the Pu'urn at sixteenth hour, so my time will be limited."

"Perhaps we can meet in my office." Sidak's office was only a ten minute walk from Solen's.

"Yes," Kerin said. "That is agreeable."

"I shall expect you." There was the faint click of the connection being broken.

Kerin was silent, her features very still. Spock studied one of the wall hangings, and waited for her to speak. The change in her demeanor seemed to indicate that she had been disturbed by the brief conversation with her father, but it would be extreme discourtesy for Spock to notice this. In a few moments she turned to him again.

"My father does not concur with my decision to return to Earth," she said. "He is convinced that I should remain here—and become Vulcan."

Spock did not question her syntax, having been occupied a good deal of his life in 'becoming' Vulcan himself. Rather, he experienced a strong feeling of empathy with her situation. "Why _are_ you leaving?" he asked, indulging in a personal question, which he normally would not have done. He was curious.

"Surely you must see that I don't really belong here. I'm much too human."

It was true, he thought. He'd seen it in that first glimpse of her in the garden. The energy that surrounded her was an entirely human thing. Yet a few moments ago he had seen a stillness and implacable control that would rival the strictest Vulcan. Also Amanda had told him Kerin had attained Seventh Degree J'herrh of the Pu'urn Z'Tal. One did not accomplish that without a considerable level of mental discipline.

She seemed to read his mind, for she smiled faintly, ruefully. "I can play the role of a Vulcan." She became very serious then, not wanting to be misinterpreted. "I don't mean that disrespectfully—it is a role which has great value to me. It has taught me about myself. On Earth I believed that it was my Vulcan half which set me apart from other humans. And when I came here, at first I felt isolated by my humanity. But, you see, now I know that the unity that I perceived set against me—on both worlds—is an illusion. Every individual feels his separateness, and must come to terms with it. I believe that I am doing that; and learning to understand my Vulcan side was a necessary step. But, perhaps because I was raised as a human, being Vulcan will always be 'role playing' to me. I can't be the best I can under those circumstances. So I can't remain here." She stopped talking, and stared at Spock, and an expression of wariness came into her face. "I've never told anyone else how I feel about being Vulcan." She stopped and waited for him to speak.

"I understand," he said seriously, and saw her eyes widen with surprise. He considered for a moment, and chose his words carefully. "Role-playing, as you call it, is something that everyone does—consciously, but more often unconsciously. I inferred from the way you spoke that you feel somehow dishonest when you show your Vulcan side. It is not so. We do what is appropriate. Sarek plays the role of Ambassador. Christopher Pike played the role of starship captain—and did it very well, I might add." She smiled a little at that, and he went on. "In time it becomes our nature. There is nothing false in the way you present youself as a Vulcan. Consider that your teachers, Solen especially, would see it if there was. Your success at the Academy is proof."

The warmth she felt toward him at that moment caused a tightness in her throat. "Thank you, Spock. Thank you very much."

He gave her a puzzled frown. "I only speak what is true."

An insistent tone from Kerin's computer station claimed her attention. She rose and went to the terminal; her fingers flew over the keys and she studied the screen for a few moments, then turned to Spock. "This is material I requested from the Academy archives. I need to log it into my own schematics," she said reluctantly. "It will only take a short while. Will you wait?"

"I will wait," he said and was rewarded by her quick smile before she turned back to the terminal.

Spock relaxed into the comfortable chair. He was tired. The three hours he had rested in the Academy meditation chamber was not enough; he was still in need of sleep. He studied the tapestry on the opposite wall. The design was a stylized black bird on a background of deep red. Kerin had said it represented Raven, respected by her mother's ancestors as a creator and protector. Raven was also a trickster and a thief at times, Kerin told him. He was many things—and sometimes nothing. An interesting reflection of humanity itself, Spock thought wearily.

He closed his eyes and passed one hand across them. He could hear the muted sounds of Kerin's computer, and behind that the faint hum of the climate controls. The temperature in the room was ideal. Spock slept.


	8. Chapter 8

Spock dreamed.

_He was moving through endless empty rooms, searching. Without it he would never be able to… _

_Down another deserted hallway. Moving faster now, almost running; he had to find it before… _

_It was important, so important that he must not give up looking. Turning the next corner, he almost saw it. It looked like…_

Spock." The voice was far away. "Spock, wake up."

_Someone stood in shadow at the end of the hallway. A step closer. Kerin…_

Then he felt her hand on his arm and the feather-light touch in his mind, and he opened his eyes, looked up at her.

"You were dreaming," she said. She was bending slightly toward him, that beautiful curtain of dark hair swinging forward over her shoulder, nearly touching his chest; her hand rested lightly on his arm and through the contact he felt the gentle brush of her thoughts—

—and he surrendered to an impulse he had been fighting since he first saw her; he reached up and touched her hair, slid his hand into its silk, and lifted the weight of it and let it slip slowly through his fingers. She stood very still, her eyes locked on his, as his hand came up to touch her cheek. Her skin felt hot under his fingers. Her breath caught, and she leaned in and kissed him, fitting her mouth to his gently, sensuously, and he felt the distinct jolt as something primitive stirred and came alive in his body. He slid his hand behind her head and drew her closer, deepening the kiss.

Her arms went around his neck and he pulled her onto his lap, holding her and exploring her body through the thin fabric of her shirt, never taking his mouth from hers. When her lips softened and parted against his, he was shaken by the feelings that exploded throughout his body. At the same time, through their link, he experienced the pleasure of her response and shared his with her.

_This is how a bond should be_—Spock thought; not really thoughts, but impressions, pictures in his mind—_a true sharing… not the coldness of T'Pring's deliberate absence…_

Kerin stiffened suddenly and drew back, staring at him.

"Kerin…" When he reached for her she resisted being drawn back into his embrace.

"You are bonded," she said softly.

His arms loosened and fell away and he experienced a wave of guilt.

She rose to her feet. "You _are _bonded?" A question this time.

He met her eyes. "Yes." He waited for her to speak, but she only studied his face silently. "An arrangement made between our parents when I was seven."

"Then you have not experienced…?"

"…pon farr?" he finished, and a separate part of his mind noted with astonishment the ease with which he spoke of this most private of Vulcan taboos. "No. I have not."

"And your… bondmate?'

"T'Pring. I have seen her only twice since our betrothal ceremony."

"Your bond? Is it…?" Kerin stopped, knowing it was a question she had no right to ask. "No. I'm sorry."

He answered anyway. "There is nothing there, except a… a void. A calculated emptiness. She does not acknowledge me." He drew a breath. "Please forgive me. I did not intend any deceit."

"I know." Her tone was certain. She had felt as much through the link.

He had been sleeping when she turned from her computer, and she had thought to let him rest while she finished the article she was working on; she had noticed how tired he seemed. However, when he became restless, and it was evident that a dream was disturbing him, she had decided to wake him. Touching him had been so natural, she had not thought about it first, and then the connection was made.

She stepped away now, and sat back down in the chair where she had been before. "You appeared to be dreaming. I thought I should wake you. I'm sorry. I should not have touched you."

"It is not… You have no need to apologize." He felt his hands trembling, and clasped them together. The agitation he felt was diminishing only slowly, and he was struggling inwardly to regain control.

Spock's agitation was comprised of several things; the desire he felt for Kerin was still strong and was singing in every nerve ending; the accustomed disquiet he always experienced at physical contact seemed pale in comparison, however the connection was still there, and he felt as if he could know her thoughts if he reached for them. The guilt he experienced at betraying his betrothal bond stung, despite the unsatisfactory nature of the bond itself. His appalling lack of control shamed him. And at the edge of his thoughts hung the dream, a dark shadow that receded even as he tried to see its shape.

Kerin had drawn her legs up beneath her on the chair, and folded her arms almost defensively across her breast. She had seen his dream when she touched him to awaken him; the search through endless empty spaces for something he could not see. She thought of it now, and was uncomfortable; it was an invasion of his privacy. And there were the other things she had seen, his bonding, and T'Pring as he had last seen her, about 12 year old, beautiful and cold. She thought also of the pleasure they had shared for those few moments, and of the link still in her mind—a link she knew she could open at will. Carefully, she closed it down.

Spock had begun to feel more in control, and he rose. "I will go now. I regret that I have offended you."

She also got to her feet. "I am not offended," she assured him.

That seemed to leave them with nothing else to say. He raised his hand in the ta'al. "Peace, Kerin."

"Peace to you, Spock, and rest," she said gently.

And then he was gone.

vvvvvvvvvv

Spock walked rapidly along the darkened street toward the nearest public transportation node. Kerin's parting words had done more to convince him that she truly was not offended than her denial had a moment earlier. But still he could not believe her. He had exhibited passion, desire for her, despite his bond with T'Pring. _He_ was offended by his emotions and actions. She surely must be.

_But the kiss. The connection! _ It was like nothing he ever imagined before.

He hurried faster. When he reached the node, he quickly entered the code for the station nearest his parents' house and stepped onto the transporter pad.

vvvvvvvvvv

Kerin stood where she was for several long moments after Spock left. Finally, she sighed, and returned to her computer. But the concentration was not there. The memory of things she had seen in Spock's thoughts was too strong. The trace of the link was too tempting. She should never have touched him, and surely should never have kissed him. She was far guiltier of offense than he was.

She lowered the lights and sat down to meditate.


	9. Chapter 9

**From qenie; **In this, and probably later chapters, I have borrowed elements of Vulcan tradition and history from one of my favorite Star Trek writers, Diane Duane, author of Spock's World, and several other excellent Star Trek novels. Her stories have given me many hours of pleasurable reading.

vvvvvvvv

At his parents' house, Spock fell asleep quickly and the dream came again.

_He was searching the empty corridors again, reaching for what was missing…_

_Endless deserted hallways, rooms connecting to more rooms. Not here… Not here…_

At last his sleep deepened to dreamlessness.

When he woke, he knew at once that the day was well begun; it was midmorning. He lay still for a while, assessing. His exhaustion had ebbed; his mind felt clearer, his body more energetic. Kerin came into his thoughts—the connection that had formed between them, the kiss. Immediately he put those thoughts aside and rose from his bed.

He found the house empty when he emerged into the living area. There was a note from Amanda, explaining that she was teaching an early class this morning, she would hopefully see him later. He ate breakfast and then departed for the Academy. Spock spent the day there, concentrating all his efforts and renewed energy on preparing for his seminars. If thoughts of Kerin—_or the link, or the kiss_—crept in between him and his task, he pushed them aside. Aside, but not away; they lingered there, at the edge of awareness…

vvvvvvvvvv

Kerin paused in the corridor outside her father's office and consulted her chronometer. It was precisely the fifteenth hour. She touched the entry sensor; the door slid open and she approached the desk of her father's secretary, Simel, an individual whom Kerin had always found not merely inscrutable, but totally bland.

He looked up and stared at her, wordless, waiting.

"Sidak expects me."

He tapped the intercom and announced in a flat voice, "Kerin is here."

The inner office door opened immediately, and Sidak stood there. "Come in, daughter." She did, and she closed the door behind her.

For a moment father and daughter stood facing one another. Sidak was tall, slim, silver-haired, very handsome by any standards, his face all chiseled planes and angles, features perfectly proportioned. Except for the silver hair, he would have appeared much younger than his actual age—which was approximately that of Sarek—because the strict control and discipline under which he had lived since childhood had forbidden variations of expression which gave even Vulcan faces marks of age and character. Sidak had an extremely high psi-rating—the fifth highest on record at the Academy—and was a true telepath, a rarity even among Vulcans, as well as an empath. Learning control of these extraordinary gifts had necessitated the life-long training which had taught him the perfect self-discipline which he now had. He held the same position in the Academy School of Mind Discipline as Solen, that of Tenth Degree J'herr—the highest possible.

Kerin had inherited a number of her father's mental talents which she had struggled for years to control. The most troublesome when she was growing up was the ability to manipulate things in her environment to a certain degree. Reaching for objects and having them come into her hands was great fun for a child—but ultimately a real problem. Also, like Sidak, she was an empath. First with a Vulcan teacher from the age of 2, and then in her first years on Vulcan, she had acquired the necessary self-discipline to control her gifts.

During her first six Seasons on Vulcan Kerin had lived in the home of her father and his wife, T'Sala, and their two children, Shenn and T'Ana. T'Sala had tolerated Kerin's presence with formal courtesy, but only because her husband insisted, and T'Ana had echoed her mother's attitude to the letter. With her half-sister Kerin had never been able to establish any kind of rapport. The fact that Sidak's half-human child had inherited his mind gifts, while T'Ana had not, only ensured that the gulf between them would always be there. Kerin had better luck with Shenn. He was nearer her age—a little over a year younger—and was curious to know about this half-human sister. The two of them had become friends and remained so now.

Once established at the Academy, and with a student-teaching fellowship which gave her a modest income, Kerin had left Sidak's house—to everyone's relief, she was sure—and found her own residence. After she was out of the house her relationship with Sidak, and surprisingly, T'Sala, had improved, and despite many differences, father and daughter had remained on good terms until Kerin's decision to leave Vulcan.

Sidak studied his daughter now as they faced each other, approving of her self-control and air of unshakable calm. She had always had that aura of restraint—a quality of perfect stillness without the appearance of effort. In her early Seasons on Vulcan he had been able to sense her inner tension and turmoil, but these had long been under control, and her mental shields were strong enough to block her feelings even from him. She was an exceptional student, a thoughtful and disciplined bearer of her mind gifts, a worthy daughter in every way. He cherished her—her intelligence, her abilities, her presence. Why, he asked himself, did she wish to go? He had heard her reasons. They were not logical. He had tried to reason with her, but she had clung to her ideas with what he could only describe as Human stubbornness.

She inclined her head in his direction now, greeting him formally, "Live long and prosper, Father."

"Live long and prosper, my daughter." He indicated a chair and she sat; he seated himself. "You have been summoned by our Oldest Mother."

She forced herself to show nothing, though she felt a great deal of surprise and consternation. To be summoned by the Family's Oldest Mother was an event of considerable importance. For a child under the age of 50 it was practically unheard of. T'Kress was very old, and had been Oldest Mother of the House of Sartan for many, many years. The influence she wielded in Vulcan politics and society was awesome. Her sway over the Family was total. In the whole of Vulcan her name stood second—a very near second—only to that of T'Pau, Oldest Mother of the House of Surak, Spock's family.

For the barest instant Sidak felt Kerin's surprise as her shields slipped under the shock of his announcement. But the barriers were back, quicker than thought, and he noted that nothing of her reaction showed in her face. Once again, he approved.

"When?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, one hour before noon," he replied. "At the Family Residence. I shall accompany you, as she has called for my presence also. However, your interview will be private." Now he saw Kerin's face go blank, with that non-expression which concealed apprehension. He understood her feelings—his first personal meeting with T'Kress had caused him considerable disquiet, and he had been much older than Kerin, with much more discipline behind him. It occurred to him to offer some word of encouragement, but knew that would not be logical. However he also knew that Kerin's understanding of Vulcan tradition was less than perfect, and he went on to explain. "It is traditional for the Oldest Mother to call young Family members for personal interviews. These usually occur when the youth is facing an important decision, which will have long-term effects. I do not know that your decision to leave Vulcan has prompted this, however, it is a logical conclusion. You must be prepared for this likelihood."

Kerin was not certain how to respond. She was disturbed at the thought of having to defend her decision to T'Kress. The Oldest Mother had great power and if she tried to influence Kerin to change her mind, the result could be painful and disruptive to the Family and to Sidak especially. She did not wish to cause her Father pain, despite their differences.

"Thank you, Father," she said at last. "I shall consider what you have said."

"The journey to the Residence will require two hours by ground car. I will be at your apartment at the ninth hour tomorrow."

"I shall be ready. Until tomorrow, Father." She bowed formally and left his office.

Her chronometer told her she had forty minutes before she must assume her duties.

She walked out of the building and turned toward the Academy Quad, a short distance away. The Quad marked the center of the Academy facilities, and was a plaza, a meeting place, a resting place used extensively by Academy students and faculty. There were gardens of desert succulents, a few trees, fountains, seating areas. She found a bench, partly secluded by a stone arch, and sat down.

The possibility of ever meeting the Oldest Mother of her House had never entered her mind, though she knew something of the history of her Family. The founder of the House, Sartan, was one of The Six, the closest followers of Surak during his years of growing influence on Vulcan.

Surak was from an ordinary family, he was employed in the family computer consultation business, as its head programmer. He spent his time in the world of cyberspace, largely ignoring the violence and wars consuming the planet. But one day, in his late youth—he was 55 or so—an image of particular devastation on the news nets caught his attention. And suddenly he began to think about his world. It's future. Did it have a future? He watched some more, and thought about that question a long time. And realized in a terrifying flash of insight that Vulcans were well on the way to destroying themselves.

He quit his job then and started to think about another question; what could be done to change the future of Vulcan? He began writing down his ideas, putting them out there on the nets, speaking to anyone who would listen.

_Do no harm,_ he said.

_The spear in the Other's heart is the spear in yours; you are he._

_Do not allow anger to rule your actions. Learn mastery over your anger, and all other negative emotions._

_Determine what is true, and right, and reasonable and act upon this. This is Cthia; logic._

And there was more, much more.

For a very long time, no one listened. But gradually he gained a following, and slowly his ideas began to infiltrate the Vulcan psyche.

Sartan and the others of The Six joined him during this period. They wrote and talked as he did, referring to his ideas, sponsoring public forums and debates to get his ideas out to the people.

Sartan was a powerful man, an influential man. Before he met Surak, he had been head of one of the great mining consortiums, exploiting the rich minerals on Vulcan's moon, T'Khut. His hired mercenaries were tasked to repel any attempt by other companies to encroach on territory he claimed. One of the ensuing battles had been responsible for the devastation which had first caught Surak's attention. Thus Surak set out to make Sartan his greatest ally, and he succeeded. Sartan gave up his position with the consortium. He withdrew his considerable support from the company's violent methods. It bankrupted him, of course; the companies made sure of that. He was shunned, just as Surak was. Just as Surak's early followers were.

But eventually, the ideas of Surak took hold, and spread through the Vulcan consciousness. The people saw the truth; that their current path would lead to annihilation of their race, and it was up to them to change it.

From Surak and The Six had sprung Vulcan's Seven Great Families: Stelek, Sklaar, Samol, Sumar, Steen, Sartan, and Surak.

T'Kress had been Oldest Mother of Sartan's House for over half a century. Kerin knew that as a young woman she had been active in a movement which had restored the teachings of Surak in their original form, and brought about a reformation in the government; a leader of this movement was T'Pau, Oldest Mother of Surak's House. Kerin knew very little else of T'Kress however; she decided to look in the computer archives when she was finished with her duties in Solen's office.

As she sat in the Quad, lost in thought, she did not see Spock emerge from the Computer Sciences building. He saw her, however, and stepped back into the shadow of the doorway. He stood there and watched her until she rose and walked toward the Pu'urn, disappearing through the front door.

Spock left the Academy campus shortly thereafter. He did not go directly to his parents' house, but turned toward another part of the city, on an errand he had decided upon earlier in the day.


	10. Chapter 10

**From djenie;** Thank you for the encouraging reviews! Thanks to the guest reviewer, whom I can't thank directly!

Regarding Vulcan's moon, T'Khut—actually a sister planet—supposedly they orbit around a common center. I don't remember any mention of there being a moon in the TV series. The Star Trek Wiki says there isn't one, but that there are several planets in close orbit – whatever that means. I read about T'Khut in some of the Star Trek novels. I thought it was way too interesting to leave out. It was described as huge, taking up about one third of the horizon when it rose. It also was close enough that erupting volcanoes could be seen on the surface. Scary! T'Khut is supposed to mean "watcher" and I'll bet the Vulcans felt 'watched' when it was up!

vvvvvvvv

Amanda was in the kitchen when Spock arrived home early that evening. She was chopping vegetables for stir-fry—a recipe she had brought from Earth, and modified, adding some Vulcan veggies and herbs. It had become a favorite in their household.

"Would you like some help, Mother?" Spock asked.

"Certainly. That would be lovely." She smiled. Spock had often helped her in the kitchen when he was young.

He washed his hands and selected a knife from the block. The cleaned vegetables waited on the workstone. He began with carrots, slicing them thin, the way she liked them done.

They talked about the day. The class in Terran Studies that Amanda taught had gone well. "Earth history before the Federation," she said. "Not my favorite section, and not an easy one to cover. We're up to the mid-20th Century; post World War II. A couple of my students have offered promising proposals for final papers." She dumped the tek'a root she had been chopping into a bowl and picked up an onion. "What about you? What did you do today?"

"I spent most of my day in the Computer Sciences Department. I've begun organizing for the workshop and seminar I'll do in that subject." He reached for the h'lore, a celery-like stalk, with a slightly anise flavor. "Late in the afternoon I went to Sarda's house."

She nearly dropped her knife, and turned to look at him in astonishment. "You went to _Sarda's_ house? To see T'pring?"

"Yes," Spock replied, continuing to chop methodically. "I thought it would be appropriate to pay my respects."

"_Did_ you see her?"

"No. I was informed that she was not available, nor will she be for the next several weeks. No other explanation was offered. Obviously I could not inquire."

"Who did you talk to? Her father?"

"I spoke with a secretary. I did not see a family member."

"Spock…" Amanda hesitated a moment, then plunged. "Do you…that is, the bond between you and T'Pring… is it…?"

He faced her and spoke calmly. "I scarcely feel her presence in my mind, Mother. There is merely vague awareness, no connection."

"Did you think seeing her might strengthen the bond?"

"I… thought it might …bring clarity."

It was not a direct answer, and Amanda realized it. Evasion was unlike Spock. She sensed that he was disturbed, but she was at a loss to know how to help him.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Spock had accomplished a good deal during that day. He had visited Solen's office to confirm with the Master that he would be seeking instruction. He had spent hours in the Computer Sciences library, setting up a syllabus for his seminar. He had secured the space he would need, both for the seminar and the workshop. He had contacted Sorahl's office and requested that tomorrow's appointment be moved to an earlier time; this had been granted, and the time moved to twelfth hour.

What he had not managed to do was excise Kerin from his thoughts. She lingered there all day, at the edges of his awareness; not for one moment did he forget about her. More than once he found himself contemplating the link which he still held in his mind—considering the possibility of reaching out to her through the connection. Each time he withdrew reluctantly. What would he find if he tried? he wondered. Would the link be open at her end? He dismissed the thought as a foolish notion. She would not welcome an intrusion. _Of course_ he could not explore the link.

The connection with her, brief as it had been, was an extraordinary experience for him. He had not known anything like it before. He had learned the technique of mind meld years before, from his teachers, and the early training he had as a Healer had reinforced that skill. But those melds had been impersonal, and for the purpose of instruction; there was no sustained link involved. Personal melds often left the connection there, as his betrothal bond should have done. Many children, he knew, retained a life-long bond with their parents, especially their mother; but his mother was Human, and Sarek had never melded with his son. He had sometimes wondered why his father had chosen not to meld with him. Nearly all Vulcan parents did; the meld was the most effective way of passing the wisdom of Logic down the generations. Through the direct meld from parents to children, each generation knew the experience at first hand, with all the lessons and nuances that Surak had included in his teachings. Every generation saw with their ancestors eyes the terror and chaos of Vulcan's violent history, and understood that following Surak, and his philosophy of _Cthia_, was the planet's best chance of survival. At the same time, each child knew he was under the protection of the parent throughout the experience. Sarek had never shared this with Spock. Instead Spock had received the knowledge through melds with his teachers, in particular the Adept T'Kaal, who had been his chief instructor in his training as healer.

In the past, Spock had thought that Sarek had refrained from the parental melding because he felt that his son, being half Human, would not be capable of sustaining such a bond. Spock believed his father was mistaken, if this were the case; however, the reasons had never been explained to him. No parental bond had been established, or even attempted.

The link with Kerin was the first personal one he had known. Spock was surprised, upon reflection, that the link endured. Usually a meld was necessary to establish such a connection. The touch with her had been instantaneous. Not a meld—he had simply _known_ her thoughts, had felt her emotions in his mind. Her presence now, even without pursuing the link, was warmer and more _there_ than any sense he ever had of T'Pring.

This thought led him to consider his bond with T'Pring. Betrothal bonds were established between children with the aid of an adult intermediary, and theirs had been no exception. The assistance had come from a priest, chosen by T'Pring's father. As a child, Spock had felt the connection as a kind of tickle at the back of his mind, but not a real sharing. This did not concern him in his youth; he had not known what to expect. Today, as it had been for many years, he felt nothing there; only a chill void. Focusing his thoughts, he searched for her presence; again nothing. He probed more insistently, and found his search blocked by T'Pring's mental shields. She was keeping the link closed deliberately. So she would deny him, when the time came, he thought, and there was nothing he could do about that. It was then that he determined to visit her home, and there discovered that she was also withholding herself from any face-to-face contact with him.

When he saw Kerin in the Quad later that afternoon he wanted very much to speak to her, to be in her company. The memory of the connection between them—the touch, the kiss—was very strong; it was an effort to keep his thoughts from reaching out toward her. He had been relieved—and disappointed—when she left after only a short while.


	11. Chapter 11

The Residence of the House of Sartan was far from the city, at the base of the low line of rocky hills known as Harr T'Rachanya—Dragon's Tail. It was an impressive compound, carved from the native bedrock, once a stronghold of an ancient clan. There was a spring there and the first fortress had been built to protect and defend it against invading clans.

Kerin had never been here before. She studied the surroundings as she accompanied Sidak through the outer courtyard and into the compound, and finally into the cool, high-ceilinged entrance hall. The stone floor had an intricate mosaic design, and richly woven tapestries hung on the walls.

They were met and ushered into another room, obviously a place where visitors waited. There were chairs and benches ranged along the walls. Kerin was asked to wait and Sidak was escorted through another door.

For a few moments after her father had gone, Kerin stood where she was, alone in the room, studying her surroundings. The room was large and impressive; like the outer hall, it's walls were hung with lovely tapestries. There were pieces of statuary distributed around the space; the floor was black polished marble, the furniture clean-lined and spare. At length, she sat down on one of the benches and grew very still, her hands folded calmly in her lap. She had told Spock that her Vulcan behavior was role-playing, but her stillness was far more than an act. It calmed her, became part of her, allowed her to relax, attain self-control and maintain her posture almost indefinitely.

Nearly half an hour passed before the door opened and Sidak emerged with T'Kress. The Oldest Mother was as aged as had been reported, but she carried her years with grace and regality. She was tall and straight, her steps firm, if a trifle slow. Her silver hair was swept back into a simple coil at her nape. Her resemblance to Sidak was noticeable—the same thin, finely chiseled features; in her youth she had been stunningly beautiful—and in fact she was his grandmother, so the connection was direct and close. Kerin realized she had never before thought of this woman as her great-grandmother.

Kerin rose to her feet as T'Kress and Sidak approached; she bowed formally. "Mene sakkeht ur-seveh, Dorli T'sai."

"Live long and prosper, Daughter." T'Kress' voice was dry and cool, yet Kerin felt welcomed; perhaps because T'Kress had acknowledged their relationship by calling her 'Daughter,' rather than merely using Kerin's name. "I have anticipated this meeting for some time."

"I am most honored, Mother," Kerin replied, masking her surprise.

T'Kress turned to Sidak. "I will speak with our Daughter privately. The Family business which we discussed awaits your attention."

He bowed slightly. "I shall see to it at once." He left them.

Kerin waited for T'Kress to speak. The Oldest Mother studied her for a time. "I am told that you are an exemplary student, both in your science studies and in the mental disciplines."

"You do me honor."

"It is you who brings honor to the Family by your achievements, " T'Kress said.

"You are most kind," Kerin murmured.

"It is with regret that we would see you go."

Kerin stiffened, drew herself up even straighter. "There is sadness in my heart that I _must_ go," she replied, meeting the old woman's eyes squarely.

T'Kress raised a delicate eyebrow. She had not missed the slight emphasis on the word _must_, but instead of pursuing it she said, "Walk with me, Daughter."

They walked slowly and aimlessly (or so it first appeared) through the large chambers of the Residence—chambers for dining, receiving guests, holding Family meetings; there was a huge multi-roomed library; an office where the Family's business was conducted, where a number of people were working at desks. Every room held art objects which lent richness and beauty to the surroundings; glass and crystal, stone statuary, rugs and tapesties, a few paintings—Vulcans did not tend toward this art form, but these were outstanding. "All that you see here was created by members of our Family. Some are very ancient." T'Kress paused beside a cabinet; behind glass doors was a huge crystal bowl whose depths seemed to burn with rose and gold fire. "This is our oldest piece. It was blown 5400 years ago by the true founder of the art, T'Cass.

"It's incredible," Kerin said softly. "I am honored to be shown."

"It belongs to you equally with all members of the Family," T'Kress pointed out.

They passed through another door, and into an armory. The walls were lined with bladed weapons of all kinds—lirpas, daggars, crescent shaped nach'tsa, spears, swords, war axes called t'draku which came in many sizes and shapes. Kerin knew little of metalwork, but she recognized beautiful workmanship when she saw it.

T'Kress led the way to a pedestal standing alone in the center of the room. A longsword lay upon the pedestal. The design of it was lean, economical—a blade nearly a meter and a half long with a hollow ground diamond profile. The illumination in the room had been carefully planned to bring out the highlights in that blade—layer upon layer of light deeply buried in the steel. The grip of carefully formed black stone, finished but unpolished, would insure that the hand that held it would not slip; the cross-guard of the hilt was made of deep black-bronze metal as was the oval pommel. A sigil, the only decorative element, was scored into the pommel.

"This sword was forged by S'harien," T'Kress explained. "It belonged to Sartan." She lifted a hand to encompass the wall display. "All these were forged by smiths of great talent, but S'harien was the greatest of them all. Only a few of his blades survive."

Their walk eventually led them to T'Kress' private offices, where an even more impressive display awaited. The walls of both inner and outer office were lined with holo-prints of notable Family members. All of the Oldest Mothers and Heads of House were there, along with many others whose extraordinary contributions had made the House of Sartan great.

"This is Soral, a well known scientist, physicist and navigator… Beside him is his mother, T'Lera, also a scientist and space traveler… Here is Sartan, our founder; he was with Surak when that one died… T'Rhon, Oldest Mother before me… Silar, philosopher… The author, Stronn… The artist, T'Cae…" T'Kress continued around the rooms, identifying the portraits. Many of the names were known to Kerin from her studies, though she had not been aware that they belonged to her Family. "This is your heritage, Daughter," T'Kress said at last, watching the young woman closely as she continued to gaze around the room. Finally Kerin's eyes came to meet the black ones of the Oldest Mother for a long moment. T'Kress nodded, satisfied.

"There is one more thing you should see," T'Kress said. In the rear wall of the office was heavy door, with an airtight seal. The old woman entered a code on an entry panel, and the door slid open smoothly. Lights came up as they stepped into a large vault. The walls were lined with shelves, which contained ancient books—of real paper—and scrolls even older, made of skins. The air was dry and cool. Kerin moved forward to read the titles printed on the spines. Many were illegible with age, but labels affixed to the shelves identified them all.

"These are the ancient Family archives—the originals. Of course everything here has been put into the computers. But here are our history and traditions." T'Kress watched as Kerin traced the sigil of one of the books, her fingertip not quite touching the old leather. "Temperature and humidity are very carefully controlled here, in order to assure that these are preserved." She removed a volume from a shelf and laid it in Kerin's hands.

Kerin opened the book reverently. It was yellowed with age, but did not feel as fragile as she would have expected. This particular book was a collection of poetry. "This is nearly 4000 years old," she said, with no effort to conceal the awe in her tone. She turned pages carefully at random and began to read:

_Nesh-kur rala t'kushel va'ne na'ge t'ved… _

_The blackbird-wing obscures the day and wraps the desert in deepest darkness. _

_Night falls and from behind its curtain we glimpse the stars— _

_and for a brief moment become one with the majesty of the Universe. _

_Our hearts and minds overflow with wonder; _

_our eyes search the bright heavens, hungry for understanding of things far beyond us. _

_Night is not truly darkness, but rather the absolute brilliance of creation! _

_It is only with reluctance that we turn at last from this splendor and seek our rest._

It was a very old verse, written long before Vulcans ventured into space. From the most chaotic period in Vulcan's history, it was one of the few non-violent writings to come out of that era. The full poem was hundreds of stanzas long, and spoke eloquently of the beauty and mysteries of existence.

Kerin had read the poem a number of times. The writer's name was Tevar.

She closed the book carefully and replaced it on the shelf, then turned to T'Kress. "Thank you for bringing me here," she said softly.

The Oldest Mother seemed to smile. She led the way out of the vault and sealed the door.

"Our Family is strong," T'Kress said, "because we are unified by our history and traditions. Our forebears were people of conviction, dedication, loyalty and strength."

They sat on a couch in the office. T'Kress' spine was as straight as that of the younger woman.

"I have something to ask of you," T'Kress said.

_Oh, no. She is going to ask me to stay,_ Kerin thought, but was careful not to show.

"You have seen some of the objects passed down from our beginning. The portraits of our ancestors. The writings. The artwork. Now I would have you see the history, as it has been passed to me, from Mother to Daughter, through the ages."

At first Kerin did not understand what she meant. There was only one way that the thing T'Kress was describing could be done. Surely she did not intend…

"I would ask you to let me join your mind, Daughter," the Oldest Mother said gently. "To perform the _kahs-nafv_."


	12. Chapter 12

**Again I want to acknowledge the influence of Diane Duane's books in the way I imagine Vulcan and its history. If you have never read "Spock's World" I recommend it highly!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The Oldest Mother's hand reached slowly toward Kerin's face. Kerin closed her eyes, felt the brush of fingertips at cheek and jaw and temple-

_and suddenly she is elsewhere…_

… _sitting on the rug in a small room on the third floor of an adobe-walled house in the merchants' quarter of Shani'Khar. There are others nearby—between two and three dozen of them—gathered around Master Surak, who is seated on a low stool at the front of the room. She knows that she has arranged the meeting, informed his followers that the Master will speak here tonight, that he will answer questions and conduct a discussion of ideas. She is Sartan, First of the Six. S/He has been with the Master for many years now; has followed him to the towns and cities, speaking to groups on his behalf, arranging gatherings such as this. _

_The meetings are small. So few listen. Sometimes Sartan/Kerin despairs. The planet is in chaos. Antagonistic nations maintain armed borders—conflagrations erupt at any excuse. Thousands of people die every day. Property and resources are destroyed. S/He and the others desperately beg the people to listen, try to make them understand the danger facing the world..._

_S/He sees that Steen has come into the room and is leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Steen, the doubter, the one who argues. He has been coming to meetings for three years now. Yet he holds back from committing himself. S/He wonders what argument Steen has brought tonight. _

"_Do not hold a grudge," the Master is saying. "If someone insults you, do not take offense. There is no offense if none is taken. Allow yourself to let it go, for offense increases entropy—disorder—in the Universe. Entropy will always increase, but do nothing to cause it to do so more rapidly."_

"_Master, if a man calls you a fool, how can you not be angry?" One of the newcomers has spoken up, respectfully, but with clear doubts._

"_Will you be angry if a small child calls you a fool?" Surak asks._

"_No," the questioner says, with a smile. "Of course not. A child knows no better."_

"_Nor does the man. He does not know you. He speaks without wisdom. No man with wisdom calls another a fool. A wise man knows that we are merely men—any of us may act foolishly. Calling a man a fool only causes anger and resentment, and teaches nothing. Help him to learn not to act foolishly." _

_There is movement in the back of the room. Two people have risen and left. Steen turns his eyes in that direction, then glances back at Surak with a smirk on his face. But he does not move. _

_Surak takes no notice of any of this._

_Sartan/Kerin is annoyed and disappointed. However, s/he keeps eyes on the Master and calms all thought of reaction. There is no offense where none is taken, s/he repeats inwardly. _

_The questioner speaks up again. "So I should think of the man as a child, until he learns wisdom?"_

"_If by doing so, you put aside your negative emotions," Surak says. "It is a start." _

"_Men will never learn," Steen argues. "It is a waste of time to teach them wisdom."_

"_Wisdom cannot be taught," Surak says, seemingly agreeing with Steen. "Only behavior can be taught. If you act in a certain manner—remain peaceful when others disturb you, for example—soon you will have true peace no matter what you face. That is wisdom."_

_Steen throws up his hands. "I do not understand." But still he remains._

_Surak smiles. "I believe you do."_

"_I do," thinks Kerin/Sartan. "I understand." And wonders which of herselves is speaking._

_Kerin hears the Oldest Mother's voice inside her head; "Another day, many years later."_

"_They have killed him," Kerin/Sartan says. "Surak is dead." S'He kneels beside the body of the Master and the tears flow freely. _

_Terrorists have threatened the city with violence, taking hostages and demanding ransom, and Surak has gone to negotiate for peace with them. They have killed him, while Sartan/Kerin is held in restraint and forced to watch. "Take him back," they say. "Show the world what we think of your peace!" And s/he silently raises the body of the Master, and carries him out of the building where the terrorists are headquartered. The transport that brought them here is long gone, so s/he walks, carrying Surak's body, the 20 miles back to the city._

_Kerin weeps. "How could they do that?" she cries in her mind to the Oldest Mother. "Couldn't they see that he only wanted peace?"_

_But Surak's death has gained the attention of the planet. At last Vulcan is listening. Understanding comes slowly, but people on opposite sides of many issues begin to speak civilly to one another. Peace treaties are signed—and miraculously, honored. Weapons of mass destruction are abandoned, scrapped. Cthia—that philosophy of reality-truth which Surak taught—at last begins to take hold in the Vulcan populance. _

_Sartan/Kerin is very old by this time; s/he continues Surak's work. S/He is the leader of the Six until health problems make it impossible. Then, surprisingly, it is Steen who steps forward to assume the leader's mantle. The doubter has become the greatest supporter of Surak's cause._

_Sartan/Kerin is dying. S/He can feel the Life Force draining away. S/He calls for Family, Wife and Children, and joins with their minds. With one mind especially—the youngest son, Salev. _

_The Oldest Mother withdraws Kerin's connection from the dying Sartan, and shares with her the memories of Salev as he follows the path of his father, strengthening his House and devoting his life to the teaching of Surak. After Salev come his grandsons, Strenn and Solarr. It is they who begin construction of the Family's compound, expanding and improving the fortress which is already there. _

_It is during the time when Solarr, Sartan's great grandson, leads the House of Sartan that Vulcan has its first visitors from space, an experience which nearly destroys the planet. _

_For many generations, Vulcan has had space travel capability, but its people have never ventured far from their own sector, and have not sought outworld contact. The motivation for space travel development was the need to take advantage of the rich mineral resources available on Vulcan's moon, T'Khut. Mining operations there have been going on for centuries, indeed Sartan's fortune was made as head of one of the huge mining consortiums, a position and wealth which he relinquished to follow Surak. A number of mining colonies and observation stations have been established on planets and moons in this and nearby solar systems, but there has been no contact with any other sentient races. _

_Nor is any contact_ _initiated from any other world until the 348th year after the death of Surak. Solarr, Head of the House of Sartan, is a vigorous 189 years old, and a leader of Vulcan's Planetary Unification Movement. The success of this movement seems to be finally within sight, as there are only a few holdouts remaining among the nations. The first signs of peaceful voices from space are received with great interest, even anticipation, by the various governments. _

_The peacefulness is a ruse. The fleet of ships which descends upon Vulcan is a pirate hoard. Their modus operandi is to invite heads of a planet's governments to meet with them, and then to take these leaders hostage and demand exorbitant ransoms. From there they go on to loot the planet and enslave its people. _

_The meeting with Vulcan's leaders is held in a great fortress outside the city of Shani'khar. As soon as the group of dignitaries is assembled, the pirates use transportation technology to bring them all up to one of their ships. Pictures of the hostages are broadcast into the planetary nets. In sight of the Vulcan people, one fifth of the hostages are brutally killed. This has been a most successful tactic for the pirates in the past, proving that their threats are serious. One of the dead is Solarr. The demands for ransom for the remaining hostages are made._

_However, the pirates have seriously underestimated Vulcan. The Vulcan people's violent tendancies are aroused. It is in this crisis that the Families of Surak and the Six become Vulcan's Seven Great Houses. The Oldest Mothers, and the Heads of House turn their significant influence and resources to repulsing and defeating the pirate fleet. Using their strongly developed psi talents, as well as conventional weapons, the governments and Families of Vulcan mount military operations which save most of the hostages, and turn back the pirates from their space. A number of attempts by the pirates, over the next forty years, are dealt with just as handily._

_It is in truth a huge step backward for the teachings of Surak, but ultimately only a temporary one, since the eventual result is a giant leap forward for the Planetary Unification Movement. By the time of the final raid by the pirates, Vulcan has achieved a single unified government. _

_Through the minds of the generations, the Oldest Mother guides Kerin's consciousness; in triumphs and failures and great accomplishments, down through the centuries. _

_Twelve hundred seventy four years after the death of Surak, there occurs one of Vulcan's worst natural disasters. T'Khut is struck by an asteroid approximately 12 kilometers in diameter. The strike is on the far side of the moon, so no debris falls toward the planet, and there is relief that T'Khut was in that position, because otherwise the asteroid would have struck Vulcan, causing untold damage. The planet does not escape unscathed, however. The strike causes a tiny wobble in T'Khut's orbit. This small lurch corrects itself within hours, however the shift in gravitational forces unleashes disaster on the planet. Vulcan, normally very stable geologically, experiences major planetquakes, which topple entire cities, and kill millions of people. Had many of Vulcans structures not been carved from the very bedrock of the planet, it is likely that the casualties would have been tenfold what they were, and Vulcan's civilization would have been destroyed._

_Once again the Seven Families join forces to meet this calamity. Rebuilding the infrastructure and society, reestablishing the chains of command and government, virtually bankrupts the Families. The upheaval caused on T'Khut by the strike, however, is ultimately their salvation. Massive quakes and volcanic eruptions caused by the asteroid's strike bring to the surface huge deposits of scarce industrial grade minerals which had been buried deep beneath the mantle; in addition, there are also large veins of gold and other precious metals exposed which are now available for mining. Vulcan's recovery from this disaster is long and hard, but it does happen._

_One after another Kerin meets the Oldest Mothers of her Family; T'Gel, T'Klair, T'Marl, T'Ara, and the others. She experiences their strength and wisdom; learns of their struggles and losses; eats at their tables, plays with their children. Amazed, she follows T'Kress down the years._

_It is nearly two thousand years since the death of Surak. Kerin finds herself in a scout ship, a small vessel which holds a seven man crew. For nearly five centuries Vulcan has been sending out these scout ships to explore the reaches of space, to observe the sentient life they find there. At first the voyages required 20 to 40 years, with the crew members rotating through shifts in cryosleep until they reached their destination. With the development of warp drive, however, the journey which formerly took years now needs only weeks. Many of these small ships are presently circling inhabited planets in far flung solar systems, gathering information, learning languages, preparing for a time when Vulcans will make contact with some of these worlds. They will not be taken unawares again; they will be prepared. _

_The ship in which she serves is observing a blue and green planet-a planet whose surface is an amazing 70% water!- which circles a medium sized yellow star. It is a beautiful world, rich in resources, and in life forms, at least one of which is sentient. The human inhabitants of this world call their star Sol, and the planet is variously Terra, Gaia, or Earth. _

_She is T'Klair. She does not know it, of course, but 75 years hence, she will be chosen Oldest Mother of the House of Sartan. For now she is a navigator, and a linguist. This is the seventh scouting voyage to observe Earth. It is T'Klair's second. So far the observations have been mostly for mapping the surface of the planet. For taking pictures; for flying in over inhabited areas and recording the infrastructure-or lack of it. There have been wars all around the planet, somewhere, almost constantly, despite the relatively sparse population in most areas. _

_Until now, however, there has been almost nothing to _hear_; there was a crude form of communication comprised of long and short beeps sent over a wire during the previous mission. But now it is different. The planet is in the third decade of what its people call the 20th century, and they have discovered airwave transmission; they call it radio. The scout ship is recording every broadcast it finds. Slowly T'Klair/Kerin is beginning to understand some of the languages; there are many, she realizes, a phenomenon which did not occur on Vulcan. There seem to be three or four major ones on the airwaves, however. Gradually, the translations emerge. They learn that Earth is recovering from a terrible World War, that humans have developed mechanical ground vehicles and primitive flying machines. In the past twenty-five years a physicist named Einstein has published some very advanced theories. _

_Fifty years later, T'Klair's ship is once more orbiting Earth. It is a different place. There are many communication and weather satellites circling the globe. The scouts have witnessed two launches of extra-terrestrial vehicles from a place called Cape Canaveral. The skies are full of airships. It is much more difficult now to remain undetected—radio wave detection is now used to identify air traffic. There are several major observatories around the world with powerful telescopes. There are radio telescopes which scan the skies constantly. The many, many airwave transmissions - visual now as well as aural - have filled in the history of Earth. One thing they learn is that humans have visited Earth's moon; there have been a number of successful missions to that cool, silvery body. To their sorrow, they also learn that Earth has suffered another major World War since their last voyage, and there are now a number of regional conflicts taking place. The two major governments on Earth are engaged in what they call a Cold War - a nuclear stand-off. The warlike nature of humans is disturbing._

_Technologically, the people of Earth are progressing faster than any world that Vulcan has observed until now. They will step up the scheduled visits to 20 year intervals. _

_It is less than a century after this visit that Vulcan and Earth make First Contact. _

_Finally, on the sands of Vulcan's Forge, the Oldest Mother shows Kerin two young women. Kerin looks into the black eyes of the tall beauty and recognizes T'Kress of many years ago. Beside her is the small, dark, intense younger girl—T'Pau. In a hiding place in the mountain caves they discover the lost writings of Surak—the original scripts, placed there by him—and bring them forth to counter the corruption which is brewing in Vulcan's leadership. A ReAwakening occurs, and the world again dedicates itself to the true words of the Master—to Cthia. Each in her own way, both T'Pau and T'Kress become leaders of this new Vulcan society; T'Pau in the Justice system, T'Kress in Education._

_T'Kress is the daughter of a youngest son of the House of Sartan. Her father has earned great recognition as a representative to Earth in the early years of the Federation. T'Kress resists the path her parents had chosen for her; she becomes an educator rather than a diplomat. She marries later in her life, and not the man she had once been bonded to. Her life-mate's name is Sperin. They have only two children; daughters, T'Elin and T'Kara. The eldest, T'Elin, is Sidak's mother. _

_T'Kress becomes Oldest Mother of Sartan's House 55 years ago, upon the death of her predecessor, T'Rhon, a distant cousin. The position of Oldest Mother is not literally passed to the oldest woman in the Family, as had once been the case in the social structure of the old Clans. The Families have grown so vast this would now be impossible. Rather, she is elected by the entire Family, and is always someone who has proven herself a capable leader._

_Kerin is allowed to glimpse some of the things T'Kress has accomplished; advancements in education, the founding and support of schools on Federation colonies, university endowments on a number of worlds... but further exploration of these is prevented as T'Kress prepares to end the meld._

Gently withdrawing her mind and her touch from Kerin, the Oldest Mother looked into the brimming, golden-brown eyes of the young woman seated beside her, and waited quietly as Kerin composed herself.

Kerin drew a deep breath, releasing the emotions stirred in her by the meld, leaving only the calm and stillness of her own inner control. She made no acknowledgment of the tears in her eyes, neither by blinking nor wiping them away. Instead, she allowed them to flow down her cheeks, a passive homage to the memories the Oldest Mother had shared with her. The streaks of salt dried there. For the first time, through her own gift of empathy, Kerin sensed an emotion from T'Kress—the faintest breath of affection.

"It is enough," the Oldest Mother said softly, and Kerin knew that she herself had been read through and through, and had been understood.

Sidak was waiting when Kerin and T'Kress returned to the anteroom. The Oldest Mother spoke a few words in parting to him, then turned to Kerin.

"I think we shall not meet again, Daughter," she said quietly, "but I shall always be with thee. Success and long life."

They made the journey back to the city in silence, but Sidak was intensely aware of a deep emotion that Kerin was unable to shield. When they reached her residence, she turned to him before she got out of the car. He saw things in her eyes that he had never seen before; confusion, and yet a new depth of understanding. Carefully, he held his telepathic sense in check. "What is it, daughter?"

"I cannot speak of it yet, Father."

He nodded. "In your own time. Rest well."

"Thank you, Father."

Kerin watched him drive away. It was late afternoon, a quiet hour, and the shadows in the street were long. She stood outside her gate, and allowed the peace of the moment to soothe the turmoil in her mind.

After a time she turned and touched the latch release outside the gate. It swung open and she stepped inside—and stopped in surprise. Spock rose from the bench beside her front door.


End file.
